Bixby Brothers Hunting and Trapping, over 30 years of local expertise, would like to present you with a one-time limited offer! We here at BBHT have compiled a comprehensive map detailing locations and directions to every hibernating bear in the county. Let us do the legwork for you! For the reasonable sum of $700, this map can be yours TODAY! Don’t wait…call now!

555-0069 ~ CASH ONLY

“Take your seats folks,” Grandma beamed, “Happy Thanksgiving!” When everyone had been seated, forks in hand, they were startled from their festive frenzy as the front door flew wide open and crashed loudly against the wall. There in the door frame stood Bessie, all two hundred and fifty pounds of her. No one said a peep as she lumbered into the dining room and took a chair between cousin Peg and her date, that scarecrow skinny clerk from down at the Auto Zone. “Surely someone knew why the bear was here,” they all thought silently. Nobody was gonna be the first to ask. Plates festooned from hand to hand, like a subplot in a Thanksgiving play. A few took turns at attempting small talk, but the bear don’t make the weather… just pass the mashed potatoes. Anxiety pooled at the far end of the table and they began to eat faster in self defense, as portions dwindled. Dust settled on gratuitous gossip, who had blundered into debt or gained a few pounds, who had gotten divorced. Eventually, all talk ceased entirely, except for a series of whistles and grunts to keep the bear happy. And Bessie did seem very happy to be there, sharing food and goodwill, all the things that bind life together.

Heads turned in unison to the back driveway as they heard a truck pull in and stop, tailpipes rumbling. “Oh, good lord,” they thought, “What now?” When they all spun around in their chairs to see how the bear would react to this new development, Bessie was gone…… …….Folks sank back into well-worn couches and lazy boys and turned attention to their respective electronics, football games, boyfriends, stock reports, while the smaller children sat cross-legged on the floor to watch the Wizard Of Oz on Grandma’s new sixty-five inch Sony that they had all chipped in on last Christmas. Grandma sat in a straight-backed chair against the wall, filled with love and gratitude. Somewhere between Munchkinland and the flying monkeys, the roofies kicked in……..

There are moments, when the stars line up just right and what goes down doesn’t always stay down. Dynamics may change…bears probably won’t. They make friends for life…make their own laws…and punish those who break them….

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Killshot – Bixby Brothers Hunting and Trapping, over 30 years of local expertise, would like to present you with a one-time limited offer! By Sunni Ellis


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